Why Failure Was the Best Teacher I Never Asked For

nicolemarshallmcla
Apr 14, 2025
4 min read

Updated: Apr 29, 2025

Failure has been my best teacher. But not in the glossy, TED Talk kind of way.

It was painful. Uncomfortable. Humbling. And - eventually -transformational.

A few years ago I worked for a fast growing tech company which sadly didn't go as I'd hoped and for years after leaving I felt like I failed . Seven plus years on I now realize: that experience was a transformative. A true attempt in learning.

What I Got Wrong

I joined the company with confidence, experience, and a desire to make an impact. But what I didn’t bring with me was humility - or a deep enough understanding of the culture I’d stepped into.

I assumed I could do the role my way. That was expected, in part - but I hadn’t earned the right to lead like that yet. I missed the nuance of the unspoken rules, the key players, and what truly mattered.

On my first day, my manager asked how I liked to receive feedback. “Directly,” I replied, confidently. And I thought I meant it - until I received my first dose of very direct feedback. It felt harsh. Personal. I realized that I actually needed time to reflect, to hear feedback framed as an observation rather than a judgment. That moment taught me that self-awareness is always a work in progress.

On another occasion, I was told I seemed disengaged in meetings. That landed hard. In truth, I was deeply engaged - just not outwardly expressive. I was observing, synthesizing, thinking about what wasn’t being said. But I lacked the confidence and flexibility to adjust or share how I worked best. My fixed mindsets held me back from simply saying, “Here’s how I process things - an we find a rhythm that works?”

I often defaulted to working independently -head down, striving to get it “right” before sharing. I didn’t yet appreciate the value of iterating in public, of bringing others along. I thought producing a polished answer was the goal. I missed the opportunity for shared learning and feedback along the way.

Cultural dynamics also played a role. I was based overseas while the rest of the team was in the U.S. though we spoke the same language we didn't. At times our differences felt like a bridge too far. Many of our challenges stemmed from those cross-cultural differences, which neither of us fully knew how to navigate.

Looking back, I can see that these weren’t failures of competence - but failures to connect, communicate, and adapt. And those are things I now help others recognize before they become blockers.

In addition to the above I also made the mistake of judging the company's fast paced, seemingly unstructured culture as unfair. In truth, that very flexibility was its strength. It allowed the organization to seize opportunities and scale fast. I saw inconsistencies. What I missed was intentional adaptability.

I was resistant to that way of working - change. I held fixed mindsets I didn’t even realize were there - until I was confronted with their limits.

What I Admired (And What Challenged Me)

Despite all that there were things I truly respected about the company.

Their talent philosophy was bold: hire bright, diverse thinkers, understand them deeply, then pair them together for chemistry and performance. Real freedom was granted - provided you delivered.

From day one, people were given enormous responsibility in increasingly complex situations. A flat but strong hierarchy existed -unspoken, unofficial, but very real. Quietly overseeing, guiding, course-correcting, ever assessing.

Whilst some faltered, many thrived having tremendous impact and going on to do incredibly things. Delivery built credibitly. Credibility was currency - currrency led to opportunities.

There I was amongst some of the most brilliant minds I’d ever worked with.

What I Learned

It took time - years of reflection, coaching, and hard truth - for the deeper lessons to land. Some were obvious. Others I had to grow into.

Here’s what’s stayed with me:

Listen first. Two ears, one mouth. Ask questions. Observe more than you assert.
Understand the culture. Every company has rituals, rhythms, and unspoken rules. Learn them. Respect them.
What feels chaotic may be deeply orchestrated. Don’t assume disorganization - it may just not be your organization.
Feedback is one person’s perspective. Valuable, yes - but not always the full truth.
Talent doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Even the most skilled individual needs the right team and coach.
Assumptions are invisible until challenged. I assumed my value would speak for itself. I was wrong.

Reframing Failure

For years, I carried this experience like a scar, one that stung anytime someone mentioned the company. But that changed during an executive coaching course.

My course leader introduced me to the acronym F.A.I.L.

First Attempt In Learning.

That simple shift helped me reframe everything.

This “failure” gave me the insight I now use to help others. It shaped my empathy for clients who are struggling with change. It taught me how dangerous it is to ignore cultural dynamics, or assume expertise equals influence.

Most of all, it taught me that reflection is a superpower. And that failure, when we’re brave enough to learn from it, becomes fuel.

Final Reflection

The truth is: the lessons I gained didn’t benefit me there. But they’ve shaped everything I’ve done since.

They make me a better advisor. A more thoughtful coach. A more grounded leader.

So here’s my question to you: Where will you fail today?And what might that failure be trying to teach you?

If you’re building a culture where learning is encouraged, not punished - and where people feel safe to stretch, stumble, and grow - we’d love to help.

Let’s build the kind of environment where failure isn’t feared. It’s embraced - as the beginning of real growth.